Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check ."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When he got there he saw the biggest, meanest looking dog he had ever seen. But, as she said, he just layed on the carpet and watched him work. He didn't bother him at all.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut the hell up you ugly looking bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
See - Men just don't listen!
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My Dash
I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone,
From the beginning ... to the end.
He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
(1934 - 1998)
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth ...
And now only those who loved her,
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars ... the house ... the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard ...
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile.
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash ...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
If you have received this, it means that you are
truly special to the one that sent this to you.
I am glad that you're in my life and part of my dash.
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